Saturday, November 9, 2013

Match.com: The Movie



With no romantic prospects in sight, I took some time this week to ponder upon my mishaps of the past. As I recounted my list of love gone wrong’s, I realized the true source of blame: the movies.

I am a romantic comedy junkie and this has not bode well for quite a few of my dating picks. Case in point:  I held a secret torch for a male friend whom in reality fits quite well in my friend zone. I had a Sally trying to find her Harry moment and blurred the lines between us. Luckily, he pretended not to notice and our friendship remains intact. As it turns out, I will be just fine at My Best Friend’s Wedding, but still.  

Last year, I enacted my own version of The Notebook. I cringe to admit to emailing a past flame ten years after he disappeared from my life. Yes, he responded and yes we met again but my Mr. Shady was no Noah. He promised all the right things only to vanish again and leave me weeping in the dust that I created.

Grease is the bane of my heart’s existence and the culprit of countless summer flings. Looking back, who was I to think that a stream of drunken nights could transform my Jersey Shore Danny into my next leading man? 

I fear I am not alone in my misguided desire to emulate the movies that make our hearts swoon, as unrealistic as they may be. How many bad boys actually turn into prince charmings? Do you know of any sex sellers who hit the jackpot, winning a millionaire’s heart? In reality, my life is less Love Actually and more How To Lose a Guy In Ten Days.

 I beg Hollywood to give us girls a break and feature a film where Bradley Cooper is matched to Jennifer Aniston moments before his subscription expires. The twosome meet for coffee and the date is free of creepy innuendos, awkward silence and spark-less chatter. Bradley promises to call and actually follows through within his three day window. Weeks of dating follow and eventually Bradley asks Jen to Meet the Parents. Now, that’s romance.  

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